#60: Jack Wagner
CBS: (March 6, 2009)
Last time on Game Show Garbage...
Well that wraps up this years The Price Is Wrong month and ends all Price Is Right Inductions for this year. I hope....
HOLD EVERYTHING FOR JUST A SECOND!
Oh Hai, Webmaster! How are you?
I'm fine. How are you?
Good, just about to wrap up The Price Is Wrong Month. Can I help you?
Actually, yes you can, sir. As your webmaster, I'm gonna extend the Price is Right festivities by one week and choose the topic.
Well, I think I already did the worst this month in Professor Price. So, if you think you got one that's worse, bring it!
And now, the riveting conclusion of The price is Wrong month!!!
Celebrity appearances or cameos aren't that uncommon on The Price Is Right. Back in the early days, you'd have soap stars and game show hosts come on the show and plug the latest show, while either being told to come on down, or in the case of Bill Cullen, riding out on the train on the couch or pair of recliners that would be bidded on to plug their upcoming show. More often than not, these things would be rather harmless and could add some funny moments to the show, like seeing Bert Convy making out with a model, usually Janice or Dian.
These type of cameos petered out when CBS's daytime schedule remained still for the last 15 years until 2008, when Guiding Light got canned. During that time, Drew Carey wanted to add some more comedy to the show, making it more of a party atmosphere. Sometimes these would be fine, like for example having a couple celebs help out with a theme showcase. I remember seeing a Soap Opera based showcase with a couple from Young and the Restless, with Rich coming out in drag and pregnant. A hilarious moment.
But then on March 6th, 2009, the entire game show community witnessed one of the worst moments in Price Is Right history, involving a said celebrity cameo being beat to death over and over again, and getting dumber and dumber each time. I bring you the tale of Jack Wagner on The Price Is Right.
Some backstory...Jack Wagner is an actor who was on The Bold and the Beautiful. He's a good soap actor, normally someone who knows what he's doing and doesn't look like a complete putz doing it, unlike most of the actors on Passions, if you remember that dreadful show. Anyways, Bold and the Beautiful tapes alongside Price on some days, and apparently, today was one of those days. The crowd, being their normal loud self, sometimes bleeds over to Bold's soundstage, so that prompted Jack to cross the barrier and try to talk some sense into Drew.
He made his first appearance this episode interrupting the beginning of Cliffhangers. It seemed normal to start, seeing how he was in normal, worried soap actor mode. So far, nothing really bad to complain about here. I mean, if it just ended there, it would have been a cameo that would have been forgotten to the sands of time, like Port Charles for example.
He then shows Drew the script for the show, saying that he has a new actress in a big love-making scene. So, he asked the crowd and the people involved with Price Is Right if they could keep it down. Drew said he'd see what he can do, and then Jack rides off into the sunset.
People here start to think a curse was laid down on this show because of what Jack said. Well, I'm somewhat in agreement because the woman who was playing Cliffhangers was so star-struck that she forgot how to play the game. I mean, on the first object, an electric peeler, she said it was $55. What happened?
That's right, the yodely guy fell off the cliff. And the show starts off on a huge epic fail.
The show continues on like normal, with a few more games played, all of them lost in terrible ways, like picking the Car price first in Gas Money, missing out on an easy Double Prices & the afformentioned Cliffhangers debacle. We then get to meet Jamesena, an army trainer. She helps get all the soldiers into fighting shape. So, she deserves something great. So, Rich belts out those 3 words that people want to hear on the show....
A NEW CAR!!!!!
She gets ready to play Hi-Lo for a car, which seems to be a current trend nowadays, having non-car games be car games. But just when it was safe to swim into the water again....
Jack Wagner comes back, all kissed with your traditional red lipstick all over his face and his shirt. Seriously, who would kiss a man's shirt? I mean, unless it costs more than my monthly rent payment, but that looked like something bought from Sears. He continues to kvetch about the show still being too loud and he's getting ready to do the big scene with a new actress. He says he froze because of the crowd, I'm thinking other reasons, but this is a PG Website, so I won't go there....well, unless something really makes me angry, then that goes out the window.
After whining about the crowd being too loud still, he tries to convince Drew to work with him. Well, this is why you don't tape on the same day as a Price Is Right taping, you know the crowd is louder than your typical game show crowd. Anyways, after he's done, he heads offstage....
And takes Linesha with him. Yeah, I guess the script called for a three-way. Either way, still pretty bad. So, the Jack Wagner annoyance meter has gone up from tolerable cameo, to getting on my nerves a bit, like the last season of Another World. And as if it wasn't a big inclination as to what happened...
She lost Hi-Lo thanks to the infamous Hot Pockets Valu-Pack that was put on the show for this season to throw off the contestants. But still, blame Jack Wagner for running into a show he has no business being in. Well, after the show gets skunked, thanks to more dismal play in Easy as 1-2-3 where Cosmetics were thrown in to be 3, we then get to the showcase Showdown. And like clockwork...
Jack Wagner comes out in a towel, and holding some sort of muscle shirt. I mean, it's one thing to freeze on a couch, but to actually do this....on a PG rated show??? Anyways, while the awkward meter reaches levels unseen on the show ever since Daniel Rosen and Don Bishop were announcing, what does Jack continue to preach? You guessed it, the show was too loud and he needs help.
So, Drew helps him put on these fake muscles, so he can look like John Morrison on a bad day. And while that may be creepy, he does the worst thing ever seen on the Price Is Right...
He opens up his towel to air out his little Jack Wagner for Drew and the contestants to see. I can just stop there and call it an induction. There's no way that can be topped. After he leaves, and Drew looking all dejected and embarassed from all of this, the Showdown proceeds as normal and our Army Trainer wins. So, good on her for having to deal with Wagner twice in one day.
We get to the showcase, and Rich starts to do the spiel for the second showcase....
Now I"m getting really ticked off. Jack Wagner makes his 4th appearance on the show, and granted it's 4 appearances too many as far as I'm concerned. He comes out to apologize for asking everything to be quiet and he proclaims that he LOVES THE NOISE!!! Yes, in a pandering moment for the crowd, he does the showcase spiel. He doesn't screw up with the first prize, a loud Stereo System. But then....
He proceeds to beat this drum set to utter oblivion. But then in traditional Jack Wagner annoyance....
He models this Pontiac Solstice Convertible the only way he knows how. By checking his hair and his teeth in the rear-view mirror. Thankfully that's the last bit of Jack Wagner that we have to deal with this episode.
He unfortunately did make a return to the show, but it was just to model a tuxedo with a female co-star, who's name I completely am blanking on right now. But it's for the best, because that's all I want to remember right now after seeing Jack completely ruin the word "Cameo" He bludgeoned the fact that he wanted the show quiet, but then pandering to the crowd to be loud? That's the type of twisted patheticness not seen since the last TNA Face Turn. Anyways, in closing Jack Wagner ruined the show, by helping cause 2 losses with his appearances, making people cringe at the fact he whipped out his "appendage" to Drew and the contestants, and becoming two-faced and not sticking to his original claim.
So that finally ends The Price Is WRONG! Month. And because of that, I'm going on Vacation. See you on the 18th. Be warned, Love Sucks....Again.
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