#168 - Jeopardy Porno Parody
What Is...completely unwatchable on all accounts?

 

Hustler Video (2011)
Text by: Mark "Cornshaq" Davis (Check him out on YouTube at www.youtube.com/cornshaqgaming)

(Seidelman Note:  One of the rules for this site is that we don't show nudity on this site, so for all the porno parodies that Cornshaq is doing, they will all be PG with the pictures. The videos are available on the web, so if you want to read along to that, then do so.)

Well look whose back, back again, so that must mean it’s time for another Adult Film parody of a popular game show. So after I looked at The Newlywed Game parody a few weeks ago, what could be better or worse than that? Well, thanks to the wonderful people at Hustler this time, we get It Ain't Jeopardy XXX time for everyone to get their fill of the daily double.

The film starts off not with the game show but with a very pointless shower scene with former California Gubernatorial Candidate Mary Carey giving herself America's favorite answer and question game, if you know what I mean. Following this up it has to be game show time, right? Nope, it’s the shows’ host Alex getting himself some a little potpourri before the show with a masseuse. Thankfully after almost a half hour of what those who bought this thing want to see we move on to the game show.



“This is Jeopardy” is heard at last and it’s an ok knockoff version of the classic theme is heard before we see our contestants and are introduced to our host Alex; this time with a little more on. It seems even though we are just starting the show, everyone already has money. So I guess we are right into Double Jeopardy mode.



As for our contestants we have Sally, the returning champion with enough money to buy all the plastic surgery she has already had again. Steve, a pimp with a very irritating manner of speaking and finally a stripper named Vicky. For a stripper, she spells her name quite average. I am surprised there weren’t about five more vowels and a smiley face thrown in.

Time for the categories in this double jeopardy round I am on the edge of my seat and I am sure you all are as well. Well we have Balls which I wish we could just stop right there and go home because we something as amazing as that to start us off there is no way we can top it. Next is Double Entendres, Dirty Words is next in line followed by, things that end in “job” I can't imagine the brilliance that the writers have come up for that one. We then have a video category for Caught in the Act which my only hope is they show something of actual value during and finally bringing up the rear is How'd that get in there which all answers have to do with the butthole and the way Alex delivers that line with a straight face shows why he was chosen for this mess.



The first answer selected is double entendres for 200 and it’s the only part of this parody that is a reference to the actual show: “This long handled gardening tool also means an immoral pleasure seeker” Which Ken Jennings: Jeopardy legend answers with “what is a hoe?” one of the funniest moments in the shows history. The pimp Steve answers the same way Ken did but somehow it’s not very funny. The champion Sally answers rake and we move on. That is your highlight everyone trust me it doesn't get much better than that.

Dirty Words is chosen, with an answer that the film Wedding Crashers made popular. This act involves making engine sound in between a woman's breasts, and no I didn't mess up there was no an written between making and engine. The stripper chimes in and gets it right while getting the stink eye from the pimp.

Vicky picks caught in the act then we get to see a 10 minute scene of a woman giving some loving to three guys at once with the preface being name the act. Now don't get me wrong the point is to enjoy all the sights and sounds of this debauchery but they asked name the act and she performs more than I can count during the scene. Also, I am pretty sure they took this scene and the other caught in the acts scenes from other hustler movies. So not only is this a terrible game show parody, it’s also the equivalent of a clip show, but without the fun of reliving the classic memories or introductions from Troy McClure on the Simpsons 138th episode special. Vickiii ends up getting the question correct which I don't think I can even say in a PG article, so let’s move on.

Vickiyi picks again and goes with Caught in the Act again. I don't think she even mentions an amount of money. Then we watch a nice wholesome girl have some fun in a public bathroom and an odd placed hole in the wall. Good old strippy vickiye gets another one correct. So let’s move on to… Damn it all another Caught in the Act. What is this with showing all the adult entertainment when all I want is horribly written, juvenile jeopardy puns? After Vickieieio gets another one correct after fifteen minutes of clip show bonanza we then have the stripper and the pimp start to make out, and before they do anything is Final Jeopardy time. Wait what we had like five questions be selected talk about a jip.

So fine, let’s just move on to final jeopardy then I guess the writer were too busy deciding on clips to use they couldn't come up with one answer and question for the balls category didn't they learn never forget the balls category. Moving on Filthy Things is the category and the clue is “This term describes when a male fin…” WAIT HOLD UP I can't write any of this question down but I will do my best to put it in acceptable terms. Um...well. It’s the act of sticking your finger in chocolate cake frosting then sharing it with your friend getting a bit of the frosting on their upper lip that looks kind of like Ron Burgundy’s mustache. Is that acceptable I really have no idea but it’s less perverse then what they wrote.
(Seidelman Note: It’s fine. Just saddened that there’s no mention of a crap New York Jets QB anywhere in the answer.)

Thirty seconds are given, which lasts only ten, as the contestants write down their responses. Sally gets the answer correct with “Dirty Sanchez”. Saying being a high school principle exposes her to these kinds of things. All I can think of is kids really are growing up to fast these days if that were true. She wagered enough money to put her way ahead. The idiot pimp answers Dirty Rodriquez which is wrong and he loses some money. Alex explains why it was wrong once again with a straight face that I laugh more at than anything else this parody presents. Now finally for the lovely exotic dancer Vikicy who goes with Alaskan Pipeline, which also is wrong and please don't look it up trust me it has nothing to do with oil spilling on Sarah Palin. Alex then congrats Sally on winning going “congrats dawg you are on your way to Hollywood!” A line I guess that was for the This Ain't American Idol parody before finally ending the show.

Before this thing finally ends, we get a wonderful scene of fun for the whole family with Vicky getting the magic stick from Steve, then our wonderful host Alex meeting the champion Sally for some Before & After. Then the credits roll and I immediately pick up any literary masterpiece just to start the healing process in my brain to erase this mess. Heck even Dr. Seuss books would give my brain something much more intelligent to think about then this or any other game show porn parody, but then again reading something like Hop on Pop may keep the dirtiness going on longer.

Ok, to wrap things up: This parody is awful! It’s barely erotic, isn't funny, and this one is a million times worse than The Newlywed Game since at least that one did original scenes instead of showing clips from other films. No one should watch this. The morbid curiosity of seeing a terrible looking Alex Trebek giving the daily double to a contestant is not enough to subject your brain to this kind of torture. There are funnier parodies to be had, so if you honestly want something to watch fire up the old SNL skits with Sean Connery and head to your favorite adult site at the same time anything you find will be funnier and more enjoyable then this garbage.


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