(Seidelman Note: One of the rules for this site
is that we don't show nudity on this site, so for all the porno parodies
that Cornshaq is doing, they will all be PG with the pictures. The
videos are available on the web, so if you want to read along to that,
then do so.)
Well look whose back, back again,
so that must mean it’s time for another Adult Film
parody of a popular game show. So after I looked at The
Newlywed Game parody a few weeks ago, what could be
better or worse than that? Well, thanks to the wonderful
people at Hustler this time, we get It Ain't Jeopardy
XXX time for everyone to get their fill of the daily
The film starts off not with the game show but with a
very pointless shower scene with former California
Gubernatorial Candidate Mary Carey giving herself
America's favorite answer and question game, if you know
what I mean. Following this up it has to be game show
time, right? Nope, it’s the shows’ host Alex getting
himself some a little potpourri before the show with a
masseuse. Thankfully after almost a half hour of what
those who bought this thing want to see we move on to
the game show.
“This is Jeopardy” is heard at last and it’s an ok
knockoff version of the classic theme is heard before we
see our contestants and are introduced to our host Alex;
this time with a little more on. It seems even though we
are just starting the show, everyone already has money.
So I guess we are right into Double Jeopardy mode.
As for our contestants we have Sally, the returning
champion with enough money to buy all the plastic
surgery she has already had again. Steve, a pimp with a
very irritating manner of speaking and finally a
stripper named Vicky. For a stripper, she spells her
name quite average. I am surprised there weren’t about
five more vowels and a smiley face thrown in.
Time for the categories in this double jeopardy round I
am on the edge of my seat and I am sure you all are as
well. Well we have Balls which I wish we could just stop
right there and go home because we something as amazing
as that to start us off there is no way we can top it.
Next is Double Entendres, Dirty Words is next in line
followed by, things that end in “job” I can't imagine
the brilliance that the writers have come up for that
one. We then have a video category for Caught in the Act
which my only hope is they show something of actual
value during and finally bringing up the rear is How'd
that get in there which all answers have to do with the
butthole and the way Alex delivers that line with a
straight face shows why he was chosen for this mess.
The first answer selected is double entendres for 200
and it’s the only part of this parody that is a
reference to the actual show: “This long handled
gardening tool also means an immoral pleasure seeker”
Which Ken Jennings: Jeopardy legend answers with “what
is a hoe?” one of the funniest moments in the shows
history. The pimp Steve answers the same way Ken did but
somehow it’s not very funny. The champion Sally answers
rake and we move on. That is your highlight everyone
trust me it doesn't get much better than that.
Dirty Words is chosen, with an answer that the film
Wedding Crashers made popular. This act involves making
engine sound in between a woman's breasts, and no I
didn't mess up there was no an written between making
and engine. The stripper chimes in and gets it right
while getting the stink eye from the pimp.
Vicky picks caught in the act then we get to see a 10
minute scene of a woman giving some loving to three guys
at once with the preface being name the act. Now don't
get me wrong the point is to enjoy all the sights and
sounds of this debauchery but they asked name the act
and she performs more than I can count during the scene.
Also, I am pretty sure they took this scene and the
other caught in the acts scenes from other hustler
movies. So not only is this a terrible game show parody,
it’s also the equivalent of a clip show, but without the
fun of reliving the classic memories or introductions
from Troy McClure on the Simpsons 138th episode special.
Vickiii ends up getting the question correct which I
don't think I can even say in a PG article, so let’s
Vickiyi picks again and goes with Caught in the Act
again. I don't think she even mentions an amount of
money. Then we watch a nice wholesome girl have some fun
in a public bathroom and an odd placed hole in the wall.
Good old strippy vickiye gets another one correct. So
let’s move on to… Damn it all another Caught in the Act.
What is this with showing all the adult entertainment
when all I want is horribly written, juvenile jeopardy
puns? After Vickieieio gets another one correct after
fifteen minutes of clip show bonanza we then have the
stripper and the pimp start to make out, and before they
do anything is Final Jeopardy time. Wait what we had
like five questions be selected talk about a jip.
So fine, let’s just move on to final jeopardy then I
guess the writer were too busy deciding on clips to use
they couldn't come up with one answer and question for
the balls category didn't they learn never forget the
balls category. Moving on Filthy Things is the category
and the clue is “This term describes when a male fin…”
WAIT HOLD UP I can't write any of this question down but
I will do my best to put it in acceptable terms.
Um...well. It’s the act of sticking your finger in
chocolate cake frosting then sharing it with your friend
getting a bit of the frosting on their upper lip that
looks kind of like Ron Burgundy’s mustache. Is that
acceptable I really have no idea but it’s less perverse
then what they wrote.
(Seidelman Note: It’s fine.
Just saddened that there’s no mention of a crap New York
Jets QB anywhere in the answer.)
Thirty seconds are given, which lasts only ten, as the
contestants write down their responses. Sally gets the
answer correct with “Dirty Sanchez”. Saying being a high
school principle exposes her to these kinds of things.
All I can think of is kids really are growing up to fast
these days if that were true. She wagered enough money
to put her way ahead. The idiot pimp answers Dirty
Rodriquez which is wrong and he loses some money. Alex
explains why it was wrong once again with a straight
face that I laugh more at than anything else this parody
presents. Now finally for the lovely exotic dancer
Vikicy who goes with Alaskan Pipeline, which also is
wrong and please don't look it up trust me it has
nothing to do with oil spilling on Sarah Palin. Alex
then congrats Sally on winning going “congrats dawg you
are on your way to Hollywood!” A line I guess that was
for the This Ain't American Idol parody before finally
ending the show.
Before this thing finally ends, we get a wonderful scene
of fun for the whole family with Vicky getting the magic
stick from Steve, then our wonderful host Alex meeting
the champion Sally for some Before & After. Then the
credits roll and I immediately pick up any literary
masterpiece just to start the healing process in my
brain to erase this mess. Heck even Dr. Seuss books
would give my brain something much more intelligent to
think about then this or any other game show porn
parody, but then again reading something like Hop on Pop
may keep the dirtiness going on longer.
Ok, to wrap things up: This parody is awful! It’s barely
erotic, isn't funny, and this one is a million times
worse than The Newlywed Game since at least that one did
original scenes instead of showing clips from other
films. No one should watch this. The morbid curiosity of
seeing a terrible looking Alex Trebek giving the daily
double to a contestant is not enough to subject your
brain to this kind of torture. There are funnier
parodies to be had, so if you honestly want something to
watch fire up the old SNL skits with Sean Connery and
head to your favorite adult site at the same time
anything you find will be funnier and more enjoyable
then this garbage.
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