Tooncrap #25 - Bebe's Kids:
The SNES Game

This game should die, and certainly not multiply!
Radical Entertainment: 1994

Written by: Raymond Gallant

Oh, you didn't think we were done with Bebe's Kids, did you? If you recall my last review, I talked about the bad but not horrendous 1992 animated comedy Bebe's Kids, which based itself on the comedic material of the late Robin Harris. While the animation wasn't very good, and some of the comedy was for the most part forgettable, I didn't outright hate the film. But I can say without hyperbole that for as bad as you think Bebe's Kids the movie is, the Super Nintendo game is a lot worse.

The fact that this game exists at all is strange. First of all, it's the only piece of merchandise for Bebe's Kids that I think even exists. It didn't do well at the box office, and even prior to that it never really got a massive amount of hype in the media. It was just another animated movie that came and went. There were no toys, no clothing line, no Robin Harris trachea plug, no nothing. It came and went like a fart. The only Bebe's kids merch that seems to exist is this video game.

And what makes that even stranger is that this game was released in 1994. Two whole years after the release of the film. Two years! Nowadays video game companies have to pump out half assed movie tie-ins at the time of the film's release. Back in the 80's and early 90's, it was a bit more lax for the most part. But two years after a movie that never amounted to anything?

Bebe's Kids was developed by Radical Entertainment. And let me tell you, most of their games were far from radical. Mostly working with THQ and releasing such horrible NES games like Wayne's World and the Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Publishers were Paramount Interactive and Motown games. I never even heard of Motown games until this one, and checking what else they released, their only other game was the also horrible basketball game Rap Jam Volume One. Unfortunately for Motown games they didn't' last long enough for us to experience volume two.

So after all this, and two years between the movie and the game, surely this would mean we're getting at least a presentable tie-in game right? God no. In fact, this has gained the distinction of being considered one of the worst games on the Super Nintendo. The same Super Nintendo oft considered the greatest video game console of all time with one of the greatest libraries of all time. Hell, the game was released in a year where games like Final Fantasy III and Donkey Kong Country were released as well. Two of the biggest game changers released in the same year as one of the console's worst. Yikes.

So, with all that done, let's get to the actual gameplay and see how bad it really is. Let's review this thing.



The game opens up with a constantly looping ten second "theme song" if you will constantly saying "Hey yo! Bebe's Kids".


"Hey, watch whose gimmick you infringe, Chico!"



Once you boot the game up, you're given the option to choose between LeShawn or Kahlil. While I would say the fact that Leon got arguably a bigger role in the movie and he's not in the game is kinda foolish, but then again, this game is called Bebe's Kids, not Jamika's kid. Picking between the two characters really doesn't change anything other than your gender. This game is mostly a beat-em-up. One made when games like Streets of Rage and Final Fight were successful in how different the character variety was in stats and abilities. Here, you could play through as Kahlil, and it wouldn't be any different an experience if you played as Leshawn.


The first level opens us up to the entrance of Funworld.



And we're officially into the game. The main levels of the game act as a beat-em-up. B jumps, A ducks, X punches, and Y kicks. And none of them feel fun to do. They're slow and clunky as is your bebe kid of choice. Your main enemies in this area are mascots and the men in black from the movie. Also be sure to remember that there's no vibes or bevis allowed at funworld. I guess Butt-Head's allowed in.

The men in black easily grab you, and suck away at your health, you have to wriggle free to escape, which just takes more time and costs you more health. You'll see an ice cream cone which you can go near. You don't automatically pick it up, you pick them up with A, and it only gives you like a sliver of health. There are weapons like baseballs to pick up, but pressing any button doesn't appear to make them work. It's only by pressing Either L or R and then the B button that you can actually use them.

You also get a special uppercut (or spin kick with Kahlil, the ONLY thing really different in play style, but still sucks all the same) by pressing L or R and then Y. And you'll need it, because beating these guys by conventional means will get you nowhere. Because nothing says fun gameplay like holding a button and using a special exploit. It's like playing Streets of Rage and getting to use the police car special as many times as you want
.

Also


Can't Unsee



So after slowly moving forward and killing the same two enemies over and over again, the next level is the house of glass scene from the first movie. As Pee Wee (Who sure the hell doesn't look like Pee Wee) drops glassware to the ground, you're left confused as to what you're supposed to do. You just went through a level of beat-em up and now the game changes the script on you. It doesn't tell you what to do either, so you'll likely try to jump and grab the glassware, or try to attack Robin until time runs out.

What you have to do is jump kick the glassware that Pee Wee drops to break it. Every one you break lowers the counter on the left hand side. You get to zero, you advance. But of course there's many a downside. First off, you move too slow, jump too slow, and of course, kick too slow. Ergo, you'll likely miss, or end up dinged by the bowl or vase falling down. That wouldn't be so bad, but the kicker is if Robin grabs the glassware, it fills the counter back up. And with as little time as you have, this becomes a test of patience.

And even THAT wouldn't be so bad if Pee Wee dropped the glassware on a consistent basis, or from a height where it seems possible. Sometimes he'll crawl down to the lowest rack possible and drop them, making it hard to time your kick, and making it easier for Robin to grab it. And then sometimes he'll be like "hell with it, I don't want to drop any. I'm baby Tone Loc, I'll do what I want" And take forever to drop glass, which you don't want because it eats at your time.


Pee Wee's a douche.

Oh, and EVEN THAT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD if the game gave you back your health that you lost in the last stage. It doesn't. You go back in with the same amount of health from the last stage, save for maybe a sliver more if you gained enough points. And of course, you've made it to the level and you think "Well, it's all fine. If I lose, I still have two lives to plow through this, and I get back where I started.


WRONG!

All this crap they throw at you, and the game has the unmitigated gall to throw you right the hell back to the beat-em up section, meaning you have to fight the mascots and men in black all over again just to get back. That is just straight up assholery to the highest level.

Okay, so after a level that feels like it was created from the outer depths of hell, you eventually break all the glass needed to advance. Bring on the next level.


On second thought, don't bring on the next level! DON'T!

Yep, it's back to the beat-em up, and it's the same two enemies, only now you have to watch out for the ticket vendors throwing what look like lollipops at you. And these things have like laser precision. Also now there are dogs that move fast, meaning you have less of a chance of connecting with them meaning hello cheap damage.

I also neglected to mention that the AI in this game is absolute garbage. They rarely even try to attack you. They wander around aimlessly back and forth, and maybe sometimes be assed enough to try and attack you. And with the time limit as lax as it is, this makes things more annoying than they should be.



You know what this bad video game was missing? A bad haunted house level. And of course this haunted house contains a piss poor maze. See the blue meter added to the screen? The trick to this level is you have to navigate a precise series of doors. Ones that often look the same as the others. The only way you'll know you're making progress is if the meter starts to get redder. But of course any wrong door can send it back to cold, and leave you more confused as to what in the hell you're supposed to do.

Also bat's, mummies, and other stock horror monsters are here to make things worse. There are also bookcases, and both sides of the bookcase are different paths, making the thing more confusing, and more time consuming. And of course, you're given like zero time to get through this. And guess what happens if you fail? Yep. Back to the last beat-em up section. What fun! I used a YouTube walkthrough for this level and still it was a pain to get through. No thanks to the fact that every area looks the same, and sometimes the doors refuse to even open for you. This game had to have been programmed by seagulls or something.

Well after that hair pulling affair, guess what's next?


Yup.

More of the same. Uppercut men in suits and mascots, and make it to the pirate ship. What's odd about the pirate ship is in the movie this was the finale. In the game it's the penultimate main level.



From this point in the game decides to go "screw it with different level varieties" and goes to a straightforward beat-em-up style for the non-park stages. Thank god. I mean these levels suck to high heaven, but compared to the crap prior, it's god tier.



It's more of the same as before only instead of men in black and mascots it's big pirates and smaller ones with long range attacks. And this pain in the ass parrot that is next to impossible to hit at times. Must kill the all until you make it to the hole in the ground to face an actual boss, and lo and behold he's hard has hell. And of course not hard by any actual challenge but because he can spam moves, your attack can miss more than it can hit, and you have to do all this with the time you had left from getting to the boss, which is mostly pretty much depleted by then. Just hit him with the minimal cannon balls you get, then jump, strike and pray. Lose once and it's back to the park with you. Though if you're lucky, you can get him in a spot where he spams his hook smack, and just spam your uppercut.

After that ordeal, it's the final stretch of men in black, and it's still boring.



The final level is the pit area where the trial of Kahlil was in the movie. While the pirate ship was the finale, this was the climax of the film in a way, so I see why they added it. More beat-em-up stuff with long range attacking Robo-Nixons and different mascots this time. It's also a bit of a maze, but compared to the haunted house it's pretty simple. You make it through robots and mascots and get to the end. Surely it's smooth sailing from here, right?


Aw crud.


Robot Bears. This stage has robot bears. I'm doomed.



The final boss of the game is the judge robot. And this S.O.B is insanely tough. Once again mainly due to piss poor hit detection and a ton of hits it's required to take him out once and for all. Thankfully you don't have to work against the clock, so some of the pressure from the pirate boss fight is thankfully no longer there. But, of course if you lose once it's back to the park again because screw you and your hopes and dreams.

If you manage to beat him (And I mean manage because it's damn near impossible), the game's over.


The kids destroy Funworld


And Pee Wee pulls a plug (It's supposed to be for the power in Vegas, but the game can't be assed to tell you anything).

And that's Bebe's Kids for the SNES. To hell with this game. The gameplay is terrible with boring beat-em-up sections that just repeat over and over. And when you get to actual levels, none of them are fun. They either have horrible gimmicks to them, or are more boring beat-em-up stages with impossible bosses due to horrible A.I. The controls are sluggish, and the best ability is one where you need to hold the L button to activate at all times. And losing a level to go all the way back to the start? Yeah. Bite me Radical Entertainment.

The graphics are ugly. It would be forgivable if it was an early release in the SNES library, but this was 1994, when the console was being pushed to its limits. This feels like a slightly more polished NES game. The sound is mostly boring beats, and some odd audio cuts at times. Especially in the final boss which keeps repeating "Too strong! Too strong! Too strong!" Yes, the boss is way too strong to beat. Thanks for reminding me.

I will admit this. I played this game on an emulator with save states, and even that wasn't fun. But I can't imagine what they were thinking. No kid wants to be punished for failing a level by being sent back so far back in the game and redo all the annoying crap again. There's difficulty that tries to at least be fair enough for the player to want to try to improve and then there's difficulty that just intends to screw you over. And thankfully for the most part we've passed the days where game companies just tack on challenge with no thought on how it affects the fun factor.

Overall, this is one of the worst games ever made. It's so bad it almost makes me want to take away the good things I said about the movie. But I still retain that the movie was okay at best. This however? Avoid. Avoid like your life depended on it. And thankfully I'm finally done with Bebe's kids. I don't care what's next, it can't make me angrier than this did.


Ohhhhhh Fu-