Tooncrap #37 - The Adventures Of Super Mario Bros. 3:
 Kootie Pie Rocks

The Milli Vanilli Episode. This is something I can't blame on the rain.
Dic: 1990

Written by: Raymond Gallant

If you all know me by now, you know that there's one thing I love more than anything, and that's old school gaming. Mainly that of the NES: the Nintendo Entertainment System. My first console as a kid, and still holds its own as my favorite video game console of all times. So many memories, so many classic titles. And of course, none of them hold a brighter spot in my heart than the opus known as Super Mario Bros 3.

And I certainly know I'm not alone with that sentiment. The Mario franchise was reaching meteoric levels, and the wait for the third adventure was one that everyone was chomping at the bit for. Hell, it was the reason most kids went to see that crappy movie The Wizard. All just for a glimpse of Mario 3. And when it finally hit in 1990, it was a massive success, and is still to this day considered the pinnacle of gaming and platforming.

But this isn't a place for video game reviews. This is Tooncrap, and it's a place to look at some toony trash. Case in point The Adventuers of Super Mario Bros. 3. Prior to this show, the Mario franchise saw its first big animated appearance through the Super Mario Bros Super Show. This show mixed animated skits with the Mario characters (and also that crappy Zelda cartoon I talked about in a previous review), as well as live action skits.

And was best known for featuring wrestling legend Captain Lou Albano as Mario.

Despite its corny nature (much of which would be perfect for future Tooncrap inductions), the show was a massive hit. Enough of a hit that NBC quickly picked up the rights to make Nintendo cartoons. One would be another Tooncrap inductee Captain N: The Game Master, and the other would be Mario. There would be two cartoons made featuring the portly plumber and his pals. First was an adaptation of Super Mario Bros 3. And later we would see an adaptation of Super Mario World.

And many a poop was born on Youtube.

So, needless to say, in 1990, Super Mario was extremely popular. But you know who else was popular?

These guys

For you whipper snappers who don't remember these two, this is Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan, better known as Milli Vanilli. A pair of "musicians" that came out of Munich, Germany. They achieved meteoric success with their debut album "Girl, you know it's true." The album was so successful that Milli Vanilli would win a Grammy award for Best New Artist. But there was just one slight snag to all of this.

Rob and Fab weren't the ones singing.

And it wouldn't take too long after their Grammy win that it all would come crashing down when during a live performance of "Girl you know it's True", the song started skipping, and the duo were lip syncing all a long.

Girl, you know it's
Girl, you know it's
Girl, you know it's
Girl, you know it's
Girl, you know it's
Girl, you know it's
Girl, you know it's OVER!

So, that just makes the induction du jour a little sweeter since before their meteoric fall, there was a Milli Vanilli episode of the Super Mario 3 cartoon. So, even knowing now about the band's downfall, was this a bad episode? Let's find out as we review this thing.

We open the episode at the Mushroom Kingdom, where the gang are ready to go to a concert. Mario, Luigi, and Toad are all dressed formal, but soon learn from a very un-frilly Princess Toadstool, that they don't need the monkey suits for a Milli Vanilli concert in the "Real World". So, the mushroom kingdom isn't real? You mean I've been trying to fit into sewer pipes for nothing?

Unbeknownst to the plumbers, they're being watched by one of King Koopa's koopalings, Cheatsy, who goes to tell his sister Kootie Pie. And, as expected, she throws a massive bitch fit at King Koopa because she wants to see Milli Vanilli. King Koopa devises the plan to capture "Silly the Willies" (The gimmick throughout the episode is he can't get the name right, so enjoy) so that Kootie can keep them for herself. Meanwhile, our heroes are at the Milli Vanilli concert, amongst the screaming fans.

It's a me, Uvulario!

And there's the oh-so fab Rob and Fab themselves, in animated form. Interesting note about this episode is that the original version of the episode had the actual songs from the duo including "Blame it on the rain" and "Girl you know it's true".In later releases of the episode, this was changed to generic background music with no vocals. In any other situation that wouldn't be so funny, but considering it's Milli Vanilli, you can't help but imagine they're trying to lip sync a lyricless song.

But the duo's performance is lip sunk by King Koopa's doom ship, which appears in the sky, and captures Milli Vanilli. He beams the two up to his ship, unintentionally electrocuting a young fan in the process. She may have been paralyzed, or in a frozen state, but who cares about that? MILLI VANILLI'S IN TROUBLE!

Now captured in Koopa's castle, Milli Vanilli are forced to deal with the annoyance that is Kootie Pie, who fawns over the pair, kissing them and forcing herself on her. The duo refuse her advances, and her request for a private concert, and she forces them to do so, lest they be turned into... accountants?

Girl you know it's true, your diligence is due!

But turns out Kootie isn't fucking around, and turns them into, as the duo so aptly put it "Nerds and dweebs". She then threatens to turn them into Beatles, to which one of them replies "Who wants to be a band from the sixties?" Well, who the fuck wants to be Milli Vanilli?

Our heroes look on as they see the torture that Kootie Pie has put Rob and Fab in. Princess Toadstool laments that if they stay accountants, she'll never hear her favorite music ever again.

Somehow I imagine her reaction to the lip sync scandal was like someone killing her non-existent parents in front of her.

I've heard of the green-eyed monster, but dammit Luigi I wasn't being literal about it.

Our heroes decide that there's only one way to free Milli Vanilli, and that's by being their backup band. Yes, Mario and Luigi are going to perform with Milli Vanilli. No, you are not "tripping".

Worst Hawaiian Punch mascot ever!

The group disguise themselves in some shoddy outfits, and talk to Milli Vanilli, while Princess Toadstool proclaims herself as their greatest fan. Not the biggest, the greatest. Yeah, no arrogance there at all. They manage to easily trick Kootie Pie into turning Rob and Fab back into Milli Vanilli. So, wait. Why was this a big deal again? Sure they were accountants, but mentally they were still the same guys. Let's be honest, they just hate suits that aren't gaudy as fuck.

Yeah, that's my reaction to this episode too.

So, the group plays "Girl You Know It's True", while the Marios play horribly. However, Kootie is quite content. Again, if you see this on the DVD or later release versions, it's them singing to lyricless music, which is still a hoot to see.

They all manage to escape while Kootie is in a state of near orgasmic enjoyment. When she realizes they've escaped, she orders King Koopa to go after them, or she will. Koopa pretty much says "You know what? I'm sick of this shit. If you don't forget about them like the rest of the world will in a couple months time, your ass is getting dungeoned." Kootie gives in, and that issue is settled.

And so the episode ends with Milli Vanilli back at the concert, unaware of what the hell just happened. They perfrom "Girl you know it's true" again, as the Princess is getting awful wet.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, I loves the musics

And that's the Mario 3 Milli Vanilli episode. On paper it's not the worst thing ever. It's an okay use for a then extemely popular music group, and at least they seemingly got the real Rob and Fab to do voice work (need confirmation on that part) as well as the actual music.

But knowing what would happen about a month after this aired, that's where things go downhill. The insane popularity of the duo, mixed with the massive devotion of Princess Toadstool and Kootie Pie becomes extremely laughable considering the whole scandal. And of course there's also the many weird animation and color errors that the show was well known for, adding fuel to an already crappy fire.

Though let's be honest. I think the industry learned from Milli Vanilli and their mistakes, and I'm more than certain that no musician would ever be caught lip syncing on TV agai...